We are constantly talking to ourselves either verbally or in our minds.
Both research and experience show that when persons with anger problems change the way they talk to themselves, their anger level drops and they often regain control of themselves.
When you notice your anger cues escalating (rising) or you start to feel angry, take a time-out for a few minutes and read these statements to yourself.
- I do not need to prove myself in this situation, I can stay calm.
- As long as I keep my cool, I am in control of myself.
- What other people say is their opinion. Opinions are not facts. I am the only person who can make myself angry or keep myself calm.
- I will take time-out if I feel that I am getting uptight or start to notice my cues or signals. During the time-out, I will relax and slow things down; like my breathing and thinking.
- In difficult or stressful situations, I do not need to feel threatened or fearful. I can relax and stay cool. When I do so, I will make better choices.
- I do not have to be strong and competent all the time. It is okay to feel unsure or confused at times. This will not make me less of a person.
- It is impossible to control other persons and all situations. I can only influence these in a positive way if I choose to if they are open to the process.
Latchman P. Narain, Ph.D., Founder and Director of Anger Management Centre of Toronto Inc., is an anger management specialist holding a Bachelor of Science degree in Biochemistry and a Post-Master’s Education in Counselling Psychology. He is a former teacher, guidance counsellor, parent educator and group facilitator.Website: www.parprogram.ca